Confusion
by nurscutiz
Summary: Santana battles with her feelings. She contemplates about what is good or bad. Wrong or right. She finally makes a decision and gets what she hoped for. (First person point of view) Santana/Brittany ONESHOT.


**Santana battles with her feelings.**

**I do not own Glee or any of the characters stated.**

**Confusion**

**(1st person pov)**

I don't know what to do.

I feel like I'm lost in this cruel world with nothing to look forward to and nothing to hold on to.

I know what's right and what's wrong now. But it doesn't help me in making decisions of my own. I can help and give other people advice but what about me? What do I do with myself? How do I help myself when I don't know what's best for me?

I don't know what's right for me. I want to be with the person I love but what if choosing that person is something wrong for me to do but loving and caring for someone is right. I care, but….I cannot be with that person. I don't even know if it's possible, if we were meant to be.

Am I supposed to live a life that is full of lies while doing the right thing?

Can I be happy and live a lie? I'm sure those two don't come together. It's just not right. Love is a cruel thing, and yet it can bring happiness and fullness in life. People choose love over doing something right because they want to FEEL happy not because they just want to do the right thing. In fact, they treat feeling happy as doing the right thing, just because it feels right. But is it really? Is doing the right thing just because it makes you feel good, right? Two wrongs don't make a right, but if one is right while the other is wrong, does it equal to a right? It seems that way to me because you can't always do the right thing. Is this where soul mates come into the picture? To console and to help you go through life, a life that is just unfair. The only thing I know is that I cannot do this alone. I think I found the answer. But does it matter if it's right or wrong?

I - I guess the only way to find out is to go with it. You can always learn from your mistakes, that is what I understand about human nature. Nobody is perfect.

But…she. She is perfect, why? Why do I feel that about her? It hurts, it hurts not to be able to hold her, feel her warmth against me. I want to be one to make her smile, laugh. I want to be able to see that she feels the same way about me. Why? Why does it have to be this way? Why can't I be who I am without labels, hate, or judgement? All this hurt, nobody understands because nobody cares.

"Hey Britt. Are you free Friday night?"

"Well….Lord Tubbington has yoga at 6 and then at 7, he's scheduled to learn about the Greek mythology. I'm teaching him how to read the stars. It takes his mind from the rat addiction he's diagnosed with." Brittany replied, whispering the last part like it was the worst secret she ever shared.

I smiled even though I felt disappointed that I couldn't tell her how I feel about her like I had planned that Friday.

She must have noticed my sad eyes because she continued, "But, I could cancel if you wanna hang out."

"I…"

"No, I can see that you really want to hang out on Friday night, San. I don't want to see you sad. I would do anything for you. You know that. Lord Tubbington can have yoga on Saturday. I'm sure he'll be glad that I let him take a break from his slimming regime anyway."

I chuckled. I felt the tears brimming up my eyes. That was sweet. Have you ever had that swelling feeling in your chest, like your heart feels like it's going to burst? You'd think it would be painful. Well, it does…but it's a good kind of pain. The kind that makes you swallow a big lump in your throat as you compose yourself. The pain continues until you heave a long sigh that makes you seem speechless when someone looks at you. Your mind tells you to say something, but the only sound that comes out of you a whimper. Until you force a simple word like "okay" to let the person (who made you go through an emotional rollercoaster) know that you're all right.

The next step in the ride would be saying things you were did not mean to say just yet…"I l-love you Britt."

A pause from someone after you admit your feelings. Never a good sign. It makes you hold your breath, but you never realise it until you let it go what feels like ages later.

Not a good sign? Or so I expected to happen, but I'm hopeful nonetheless and it happened. "I love you too, Santana."

You will lean in to that person just a slight bit and then the moment you've been waiting for your whole life, finally comes. You would never forget it in a million years. She mirrors your move and the both of your lips touch. One of you who was not too overwhelmed (feeling guilty), deepens the kiss. Some would see fireworks, as cliché as it sounds, some other…like me, would see the future we have with the person you long to love you back.

**THE END**


End file.
